College students are a curious breed, but according to an article posted on DailyMail.co.Uk, they are more curious than ever. Just with its headline, this article stakes the claim that “College Students Think They are More Special Than EVER.” How? You may ask. By conduction surveys over the course of forty-seven years, the researchers have noticed a spike in “self-esteem” among the “individualistic” students. When asked to rate themselves among their peers, a majority of students consider themselves “above-average”. This response led the author to consider students on U.S. campuses as a generation with a “sense of entitlement”. This article also suggests that, despite what many education professionals, believe, high self-esteem shows no proven relationship to success. The article even goes so far as to suggest that “encouragement” in the classroom, will only allow “weaker students [to] actually perform worse”.
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
I Doubt Any Of Us Agree With This
Insomnia
Mind occupied, heart racing, eyes darting, and yet your body feels an exhaustion that cannot be contained or explained without making the ache in your muscles beat harder and harder against your skin. A movement escapes your legs, despite your attempt to hold still, despite your attempts to relax your limbs and force an empty mind. But not tonight, not now, will the rest come. The rest evades all attempts of achievement through meditation and medication. The rest refuses to submit and become one with your mind and body. You lay awake.
The ceiling fan. It hums above you. A monotonous noise: one that would lull most infants and young children into a state of sleep, but not you. It is a distraction. Your eyes focus upon it. The room is too warm to survive without the constant whirling, but you are too distracted by the sight and sound to take advantage of the cool air rhythmically pushing against your body.
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Response to: Annie Dillard: “The Chase”
Dillard begins
her essay by explaining her relationship with boys as a child. She speaks of
her cunning tactics in football and baseball. Talk of these sports, and their
inability to be played throughout the winter, lead into a detailed anecdote of
Dillard and her friends in the winter. One day, while continuing their routine
of throwing snow balls at cars, Dillard and the boys she hung out with throw a
snowball at the windshield of a black Buick. In contrast to an adults
"normal" reaction to this childhood prank; "the car, pulled over
and stopped." A man, dressed in "city-clothes: a suit and tie, street
shoes", got out of the car and began a very extensive chase after the six
children. Upon catching up to the kids, the young man proceeded to
"perfunctorily" lecture the "stupid kids" on the error of
their ways. Regarding the maze Dillard and friends caused the businessman to
run, Dillard remarks, "I don't know how he found his way back to his
car."
Growing up with two older brothers has a very large impact on your
childhood. When I was a young girl, I was the biggest tom-boy to ever live. I
spent my days aspiring to be like my older brothers, playing in the mud and
catching tadpoles. Every year, for my birthday, my aunt would give me a Barbie
doll, and every year, I would ask my mom "Why?" "Why does Aunt
Mary give me these when I never play with them?" It wasn't until I started
school that I understood that young girls were expected to WANT to play with
dolls. Although, this discovery did not change the way I acted nor the way my
mother encouraged me in my playtime habits. At school, I would always befriend
the boys playing basketball on the playground, and actively ignore the young
girls practicing their older sisters' cheer-leading moves. My mom will tell the
story of how she once waited months for me to get on to the waiting list of a
highly regarded dance school, only to have me throw a fit about not wanting to
go and insist upon joining a soccer team instead. All these anecdotes are
highly ironic to the fact that I grew to love music and dance as a teen and
soon regretted my six-year-old decision to forego the dance training. Although,
I have no honest story of being chased by a man in a business suit, I can connect
to Anne Dillard in this other way. From her extensive descriptions of beating
her male friends at what is assumed to be tackle football and baseball, I can
see a small bit of my young self in her writing. This was the part of the essay
that stood out so strongly to me. I feel as though Anne performed the act of
throwing the snowball as a form of impressing her daring male peers. As a
child, I always felt as though I needed to act like and compete with the boys I
befriended as a way to state my value to the group. This may also stem from a
bit of sibling rivalry and being the baby of the family, who knows?
I am most interested to know how this passage connects to Anne Dillard's
life as an adult. In contrast to E.B. White's essays, Dillard gives primarily
the facts and ceases to explain the event's later impacts on her life. I would
like to ask her why she felt the need to write this little piece of her history
down and share it with others. I am also curious to know what she now, as an
adult, thinks of her actions as a child. In all honesty, I would like to have
more details about the businessman. Did he go to the children's parents about
their prank and what all did his lecture to the children entail?
Response to: Annie Dillard: “Total Eclipse”
Beginning with a
simile comparing the events to "dying", Dillard introduces one of the
overlying themes of “Total Eclipse”. She goes on to describe in great detail a
terrifying painting on the wall of her hotel room. It is of a "smiling
clown's head, made out of vegetables". Dillard then directs her attention
back to her experience with the eclipse. She discusses the long drive
"inland from the Washington coast". The focus of the essay then
returns to the hotel, where Dillard describes the events of a small lobby as
she and her husband wait to be assigned to a room. They remain at the hotel for
one night, and awake the following morning at six to begin their trip up the
hills. They perch, along with hundreds of others, on a "five hundred feet
high" hill to watch the eclipse. Dillard goes on to discuss a
"partial eclipse" she witnessed in 1970. She explains how a partial
eclipse "bears almost no relation to a total eclipse". Dillard tells
the reader that during the total eclipse the sky's blue deepens to an indigo.
Dillard directs her attention to the land around her. She compares all
vegetation to various metals and then begins seeing the world as a
"nine-tenth century tinted photograph". Dillard yearns to be back in
her "own century, the people [she] knew! And the real light of day".
As the eclipse takes place, Dillard hears screams erupt from the hillside as
every is plunged into total darkness. The author, in part three, discusses the
existential properties of a total eclipse. Following the eclipse, it takes the
author hearing a college student compare the ring of sunlight visible to a
"life-saver" to snap herself back into reality. In conclusion,
Dillard remarks on the highway during the eclipse; how individuals on their way
to work are stopped by the sudden darkness. She also explains her behavior
following the total eclipse; how she and her husband immediately left, not even
staying long enough to watch the sun fully emerge.
Although, I have
never experienced an eclipse I still found a strange amount of connection to
Dillard's writing in this instance. There are moments where I think about the
vastness of the universe and feel incredibly small. One feels entirely
insignificant when one thinks about the size of the world around them. I
remember once, at bible camp, we watched a seminar on the universe. The
preacher first held up a golf ball, and then a large projection of the sun was
lit up on the wall behind him. The point of the speech was to tell us kids how much
God had created and how much bigger he was then everything in the universe, but
that isn't what I got out of it. I mean, it was, but not the only thing. All it
made me feel was small, not inspired, and not trusting. It was terrifying, it
took me until I was home with my family to snap back to reality, much like it
took Annie until hearing the college student to come back to the real world.
Knowing that I meant something and was so important to my parents and siblings
brought me back, they made me feel big again. They made me feel significant in
a humongous world.
The biggest
question I must ask about this passage is in regards to the clown painting. I
am always curious as to why authors choose to include certain anecdotes in
their writing. In my opinion, I was unable to find the significance of the
clown in this particular essay. Why did Dillard include it? I would also like
to acknowledge the timeline of this essay. Why did the author jump back and
forth so often? What time of emotion was she trying to emote based on this? I
would also like to ask why she felt as though the vegetation was like metals. I
had a hard time picturing this, and therefore, question where this metaphor
came from.
Response to: Annie Dillard: “Weasel is Wild”
Annie Dillard takes a much more vivid
and violent approach to essay writing in "Living Weasel is Wild". In
this passage, Dillard describes a small confrontation between herself and this
rodent, referring to them as "two lovers, or enemies". To begin her
account, Dillard describes the preying of a weasel; how he "stalks"
and kills "more bodies than he can eat warm". Although, the author
contradicts this strong interpretation of a weasel by proceeding to an anecdote
about Ernest Thompson Seton. Seton says that a man "shot an eagle out of
the sky" and "found the dry skull of a weasel fixed by the jaws to
his throat". By choosing to share this with the reader, Dillard explores
the idea of the weasel as a victim. Dillard then states that these ponderings
featuring weasels were inspired when she "saw one last week"
"near [her] house in Virginia" by Hollis Pond. She goes on to produce
a detailed description of the pond and her meeting with the
"arrowhead"-like rodent. Dillard felt as though this experience were
as if she had "been in that weasel's brain for sixty seconds". This
experience causes the author to examine life through the eyes and mind of a
rodent. She realizes the value of "mindlessness" and the "purity
of living". Dillard then toys with the idea of fully embodying the
creature and "live for two days in the den" and living where
"the mind is single". In her final thoughts, Dillard leaves the
reader to ponder the idea of "living at every moment to the perfect
freedom of single necessity".
I truly can never say I wanted to step into the mind of an animal. (I
read Anamorphs as a kid, and I think they may have ruined that whole super
power for me.) Although, I can say I have always felt a strong connection to
animals, mostly my pet dogs. I was bullied throughout elementary school, and
therefore, I did not feel as though I had many friends. This may sound sad, but
that is where my dog came in: Jake. Jake was a black Labrador retriever who my
parents had had since before I was born. He was my pet, my companion, and my
best friend. I could talk to him about anything (no judgment); cuddle all over
him, and play; all things and struggling nine-year-old needs. If I could have
jumped within Jake's brain all I could hope to find was the same amount of love
for my family and me as we had for him. We loved Jake as a member of our
family, when I was twelve, he passed away. I can honestly say, that is the most
emotional I have ever been. Losing Jake was like losing my best friend, but I
knew, from the way Jake had always been, that he would have wept the same way
over losing one of us, as we did over losing him.
Once again, I find myself questioning Dillard's purpose in writing this
passage. How did this experience affect her life in the future? And why did
Annie feel it was so significant she felt the need to reflect back on her
feelings after time had gone by? I am also curious about her use of such
violent and, frankly, gross language. How was she hoping this language usage
would affect the readers? Although, I personally enjoy a darker take on
description, use of words and phrases such as “carcasses” and “splitting the
jugular vein” could have easily turned off the more innocent reader. This change
in writing style from “The Chase”, was welcomed in my mind, but could be
considered shocking in others. I can hope that as we continue to read Annie
Dillard’s essays, she does not sugarcoat her descriptions, although, I must
ask, if these artistic choices were ever second-guessed by the author.
Response to: David Sedaris: "Consider the Stars"
Sedaris begins the philsophical
journey of "Consider the Stars" by thinking back to a "Labor Day
celebration at the Raleigh Country Club" where he overheard a group of
sixth graders discussing the "celebrity circles" of their junior high
school. Shocked by this, Sedaris comments on how a young him went "into a
mild shock" upon hearing their conversation. For, in the young David's
head, it had "simply never occurred to [him] that other schools might have
their own" social circles. Reflecting on his own school's "popular
crowd", Sedaris describes their characteristics and "power". A
power so complete "that [he] actually felthonored when one of them hit
[him] in the mouth with a rock". This encounter with a boy by the name of
Thad Pope leads the narrator to further explain this anecdote. When Thad hit
David, it caused damage to his teeth, causing him to need a root canal. This
was something David's father, much to his son's dismay, felt should be paid for
by the assaulting party. A meeting is set up with the Pope family, and Sedaris
is very surprised to see that "Thad was full capable of operating
independently" without his group of "special" students. Young
David insists that the injury was caused by his own stupidity and out of no
malicious intent on Thad's part. He eventually comes to the conclusion that he
and his dad do not belong around the Pope's. Sedaris even goes so far as to
blame his father for he himself not fitting in; saying "You don't belong here.
More precisely, I decided that he was the reason I didn't belong."
Eventually, the Pope's "agreed to pay for half the root canal"
because, Sedaris believes, "they wanted us out of their house." The
next day, at lunch, David makes an attempt to approach Thad and give his
sincerest apology, only to be shut down. The whole encounter with David and his
father was "so far beneath him that it hadn't even registered."
Sedaris goes on to explain how things began changing after junior high.
Desegregation had a large impact on the way high school cliques were sorted. It
even so happened that Thad was jumped by a group of new black students
"early in [their] junior year", although, Sedaris found, he had an
odd sympathy/worship in his heart for Thad Pope. He tells the reader how he
clapped longer for Thad at graduation and even found himself wondering about
Thad and how his experiences would be at college or hoping that he would run
into him in their now adult lives. In conclusion, Sedaris comments on him
constant reminder of Thad and junior high: his root canal. Something he
eventually comes to describe as "a little misunderstanding between
friends".
Cliques
suck. That is what I got from this essay. To be honest, I feel like everyone I
talk to these days has had some problem, at some point in their life, with
being the odd man out or being bullied. Although, I had a great middle and high
school experience, the road getting there was awful. I was extremely bullied in
elementary school. I have always been a "no nonsense" kind of girl,
and lets just say, the girls in my elementary school class were full of all
kinds of nonsense. They were petty and backbiting and I couldn't deal with it.
Not to say I was some model child that was nice to everyone, but I feel as
though, compared to these girls, I was. When the "popular" girls were
mean, I would tell them. And those actions quickly got me off to the wrong foot
with this clique. I found myself completely ostracized from the class. I worked
alone on group projects, shot hoops by myself at recess, and joined many
extracurriculars that were unaffiliated with my school. These were my saving
grace. I found out then, that you didn't have to worry how people thought of
you, especially in a small situation like the fifth grade. Reading this essay,
I found myself hating Sedaris. The way he worshipped this "celebrity
circle" disgusted me. When I was little and my mom told me to "not
worry what others thought of me" I found solise in her words. Telling me
those things saved me, and the way young Sedaris despised his father for
encouraging him to be his own person caused me, as a reader, to have no
sympathy for him and his unhappiness.
Mine
main question for Sedaris does not have to do with his writing style or use of
language, it has to do with his feelings about his writing. Did he really
worship Thad the way he described? Why did he feel so strongly that his father
was wrong? Looking back on these events as an adult, does he believe that his
father is right? Why did Sedaris include the details an emotions that he did? I
also find myself wondering how this pondering over junior high drama ended up
relating to his initial questions regarding the universe? Why did he choose to
not return to his original thoughts?
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Response to: David Sedaris: "Let it Snow"
Sedaris sets the scene by explaining
the "frustratingly mild" winters "in North Carolina", but
how one day, when he was in the fifth grade, snow fell "and, for the first
time in years, it accumulated". Excited to have school cancelled and see
more snow fall for the next few days, Sedaris and his siblings hung around the
house. Much, Sedaris found out, to his mother's dismay. The children had “disrupted the secret life she led while we
were at school" and their "mother had a little breakdown". She proceeded to kick them out into the cold
winter day. Something Sedaris considered less of a "request" and more
of an "eviction". Happy to be out in the snow, Sedaris and his
siblings proceeded to play in the snow, but eventually they tired of the
outdoors and attempted to return to the warmth and light of the interior. As they
came to their front door, they found it locked, and their mother inside having
a glass of wine in the afternoon. They tried knocking on the windows, but even
after noticing her children, their mother proceeded to simply take her drink to
another room of the house. The children found her in her bedroom and there
snowballs at the glass, but she still made no move except to pull the drapes
closed, leaving her family outside in the icy weather. The children cursed her
telling her she was "going to be in so much trouble when Dad gets
home!", but following some discussion, concluded their father would be of
no help the them. The kids finally established that the best way to gain their
parents attention would be for one of them to "get hit by a car".
After some deliberation as to whom the victim should be, the children turn to
the youngest of the family: Tiffany. Without fully understanding what she was
agreeing to, Tiffany goes to lie in the street. The first car to approach her
stops and asks the group what they are doing and they explain. Soon after, the
kids see their mother making the trek down their front lawn towards them.
Sedaris comments on how she does not own pants and the snow is up to her calves.
She looks "pity-full" and immediately the children feel a sense of
worry and love for their neglectful mother. The narrator sums up the events
with his mother by stating how "one moment she was locking us out of our
own house and the next we were rooting around in the snow, looking for her left
shoe."
What
are the lengths a child will go through to gain a parents attention? I feel as
though, aside from writing a playful anecdote about a snowstorm, this was the
question Sedaris toyed with in "Let it Snow". I, personally, have
never had any trouble with my mother wanting me around. That is, none that I
know of. But I can relate this essay to wanting to gain the attention of
someone else. As an acting major, it is almost our job to gain people's
attention. We will go to the greatest of physical and emotional lengths to
engage an audience for a few hours. Now, will we go as far to lie in the middle
of the road and hope a car hits us: I honestly don't know...? Sometimes, you
will have a great audience that wants nothing more that to see you and
participate in what you are bringing them with your performance. But other
times, the audience may be tired, unenthusiastic, or overall unhappy to be at
your show. The latter of these two instances is represented by Sedaris's
mother. She has no interest in being around or engaging in activity with her
children, she is sick of them. It is the children's job to gain her attention,
to get her to participate. Much like an actor must do with a stubborn audience.
In contrast to some of his other
essays, Sedaris used a larger percentage of dialogue in this particular piece.
Why was that? What impact was he hoping to make with this? I also found myself
most curious about the children’s father. Why did the children immediately
assume he would not help them as well? I enjoyed getting to know the authors
siblings and the way he interacted with them. How much did their feelings about
the events of this essay effect the way the story was told? Seeing as they were
going through the exact same occurrence as Sedaris was which often does not
happen in his narratives.
Response to: David Sedaris: "That's Amore"
David Sedaris's "That's
Amore" primarily focuses on Helen. Helen is Sedaris's elderly and spunky
neighbor while he and his good friend and writing partner Hugh lived in a dodgy
New York apartment building. The essay goes on to describe Helen in great
detail as an "Arrogant, pushy, proudly, almost fascistically
opinionated" woman with an extremely quotable personality. On Hugh's first
encounter with Helen she immediately insists that he carries her groceries for
her, no questions. Upon Sedaris's first encounter with the woman, she tells
him, "Mess with me, and I'll stick my foot so far up your ass I'll lose my
shoe.'" Although from the outward appearance, Helen appears rude and
unpleasant, Sedaris describes his relationship with her as if she were a
"grandmother". Sedaris found that when he didn't get his always daily
interaction with her he "missed her, or at least missed someone [he] could
so easily drop in on." The author found that the “beauty of Helen" was that "she was
always there, practically begging to be disturbed." At times he would call
her a "friend" but quickly second guess his choice of language with
statements like "Was that a friend, or had I chosen the wrong word? What
was the name for this thing we had?" Helen is once described by a short
anecdote explaining how she would stubbornly only give gifts to those who do
not ask for them. It is obvious that Helen must also see a friend in Sedaris as
she calls him one day when she has "taken three strokes" and again
when, with some humor on Sedaris's part, she asks him to fetch her dentures
from the "planter in front of [the] building". Nearing the end of his
essay, Sedaris seems to have some guilt about the end of his relationship with
Helen. One day, Helen asks the author to put some shoe polish on a stain on the
ceiling of her apartment. For unknown reasons, Sedaris quickly tell her
"tomorrow" and leaves. Later that day, Hugh hears a crash in Helen's
apartment. She had tried to apply to polish to her ceiling herself and fell off
the stool, resulting in a broken hip. While in the hospital, "the problem
wasn't her broken hip, but the series of strokes that followed her
operation." At her funeral, Sedaris meets many of Helen's friends and
family and they reflect on the hilarity of Helen's life. In a final reflection,
Sedaris thinks back to a day when Helen was feeling some pain in her shoulder.
She had asked him to rub some Tiger Balm on the area and he obliged.
There
is this woman, her name is Carol, and I have been performing in shows with her
since I was a sophomore in high school. While reading David Sedaris’s essay, all I could think of was this woman
and they way I felt about her. It is uncannily similar to Sedaris’s relationship with Helen. No, Carol is not an
eighty-year-old senile woman, although she shares many characteristics with
Helen. She is so very stubborn. She is also a complainer. Oh my, I could go on
for hours about how negative Carol is. She is about sixty-years-old, and
therefore, is always cast as the mother or grandmother in all the show’s I have been in with her. Every time, without
fail, Carol will feel the need to complain how the director sees her as old or
doesn’t think her
acting capabilities are good enough for a more “important” role. Deep down, I believe, Carol understands
why she is given these roles, but she enjoys the complaining regardless.
Although, I am not a big fan of negativity (especially in the theatre), I still
find myself loving Carol as if she were a close family member of mine. I feel I
can speak for the rest of our past casts by saying each of us has had an
encounter with Carol and her complaining, and each of us has just stood there,
listened intently and enjoyed our conversations with Carol. She has an
infectious and engaging personality.
I
would like to ask the author why he felt the need to explain so many similar
anecdotes to the audience instead of just describing the woman in detail.
Sedaris seemed to let the audience make their own judgments of Helen, based on
the stories he told. Did he mean to use so much negative connotation? Or were
those the honest descriptions of the events? I cannot pinpoint how the author
managed to make the reader still have a fondness for Helen, despite the
annoying stories he told about her. I must also always ask why the author found
Helen a significant person to write about.
Response to: E.B. White: "Death of a Pig"
In this essay, White
recounts the events leading up to the death of his pig. He begins his account
by stating, “the pig died at last, and I lived.” By putting this bit of
information early on, E.B. White gives away the ending. He moves on to compare
the act of raising a pig to that of a play. According to White, raising a pig
is a clearly written script that one must follow, but if “one of the actors
goes up on his lines” “the play would never regain its balance.” In this case,
the play has been completely turned upside-down. It is at this point that White
decides to return to the beginning of his story. The author first notices a
change in his pig’s behavior when it does not appear for its evening meal.
White must then assume that there is something significantly wrong with his pig
and immediately phones a fellow farmer, Mr. Dameron. Dameron calls upon another
friend and they suggest that White give his pig two ounces of castor oil and an
injection of soapy water. They are assuming that the pig just has a case of
constipation. White proceeds to the pig’s barn with is son and follows Dameron
and Henry’s advice. It is at this point he notices a series of small dark spots
on the pig’s back. White leaves the pig and goes out to dinner (an activity he
claims is “deliberately arranged to coincide with pig failure or some other
failure”). Upon his return home he checks on the animal only to find no sign of
success with the oil. The next day, White, once again, attempts to feed the
beast with no victory. The author finally calls a veterinarian, which, upon
hearing of the pig’s spots, assumes the pig to have erysipelas, a disease that
can quickly spread to humans. White fears for himself, but the vet sends a
colleague over to run tests on the pig, allowing White to rest easy. McFarland
refutes the theory of erysipelas after performing his tests. White then reveals
to the reader that the pig died twenty-four, “or it might have been
forty-eight”, hours later. White finds the pig dead late Friday night, and
awakes Saturday morning to Lennie digging a grave for the creature. In
conclusion, White notices a worm and an apple while observing the pig’s grave
and comments on the directness of an animal’s burial.
When I was
eleven years old, I had to say goodbye to my first pet. His name was Jake and
he was a black Labrador retriever. My family had owned him since before I was
born, but in his old age, Jake had developed cataracts in his eyes and began to
have seizures. Losing my dog was the first real experience I had to face with
death and it was a rough one. I remember, my mother picking me up from the bus
stop and waiting to drive the rest of the way home to explain to my brother and
I that she had found Jake in the woods earlier that afternoon. Although Jake
wasn’t a pig being raised for the slaughter, watching him suffer up until the
moment of his death was a very difficult and eye-opening incident for the young
me.
In contrast to
some of his other writings, E.B. White manages to stay much more “on-track”
with this account. I would like to know if this story meant more to him or less
to him, because he didn’t spend quite as much time dissecting the events as he
did giving the facts. I would also inquire if he felt any sorrow towards losing
the pig; and whether this sorrow was for the loss of money that must have
incurred due to the pig’s death or at the loss of a “pet” or friend.
Response to: E.B. White: "Good-bye to Forty-eighth Street"
In “Good-bye to
Forty-eighth Street”, E.B. White reflects on the trials of moving house. He
begins the passage by explaining to the reader that he has “for some weeks now”
been “engaged in dispersing the contents of” his apartment. White discusses
that moving house is not an easy task. He and his wife have been meticulously
spent evenings trying rid themselves of unnecessary, for lack of a better word,
junk. He tells an anecdote about a man who came to purchase some of he and his
wife’s many books, only to leave their home with what seemed as “as many books
as before, and twice as much sorrow.
E.B. White then moves on to talk about his tactic of clearing out. Every
morning, as he left for work, he would try and take one item away with him,
just to have his wife explain that “a man could walk away for a thousand
mornings carrying something with him to the corner and there would still be a
home full of stuff”. The author goes on to defend, or explain, his hoarding by
discussing a man/woman’s connections to trophies or awards, and is essentially
unsuccessful at parting with some of his more useless accolades. White moves on
to explain how he had at one point come to the conclusion that they should go
on a trip, to leave the woes of purging behind. They plan a trip to the
Fryeburg Fair, in Maine, where White came close to purchasing a heifer. In the
final words of his essay, White reflects on his time left in his apartment on
forty-eight street. He speaks of the people he will miss, his very own “cast of
characters” that would walk down the street every day, and how he will yearn
for the garden in back and the animals that inhabit it.
When it comes to
packing, I am a disaster. About three weeks ago, I packed up my life eight
hours away, put it into boxes, and moved to Oklahoma. I can honestly say,
packing was one of the most stressful times of my entire summer. I spent three
days sorting out all my clothing into piles and staring at them. What do I
bring? Do I need this? Will I ever wear this? Should I just throw this out? It
was awful. I do not consider myself an indecisive person. Usually, when it
comes to decision making, I am fast and sure of myself. When my mom took me
shopping for dorm items I picked out a comforter set in the first ten minutes
of being in Sears, and I stuck to it. I am not disappointed in it one bit. I
saw something I liked, it was affordable, no second guessing here. But it was
the personal stuff that got me. I asked, “Do I bring my student council shirts
from high school?” and “Which photos of my friends do I print off?” As I read
E.B. White’s essay I could feel exactly where he was coming from, because that
was me three weeks ago. The indecision, yet desire to just have the task
complete was something I could entirely connect to. I also knew exactly what he
meant when he decided some time off from the apartment would do him and his
wife some good. While packing myself, I constantly found reasons to go hang out
with friends or go get ice cream, because I just needed to take my mind off of
the looming piles of clothes stacked on my bed at home.
While reading
Good-bye to Forty-eighth Street, there were moments when I found myself
disinterested from the reading. In retrospect, the anecdote about the state
fair makes sense to explain White’s burning desire to avoid his situation,
while reading I felt a large sense of confusion. I feel as though the story
within the story may have gone on a little too long and distracted from the
point of the essay. I would love to ask the authors opinion on his own writing
and see if, in a look back, he could explain the significance of the entire
flashback. The essay did, however, leave me wanting more: Did he pack up a lot
of unneeded junk? Did his wife throw out his ridiculous trophies? ( I would
have). And please tell me he said farewell to that “chip of wood gnawed by the
beaver”. More than anything, I just have questions about this point in the
man’s life, so I guess his essay did its job.
Response to: E.B. White: “Once More to the Lake”
White begins
this passage by recalling yearly-month-long trips with his family to a lake in
Maine. He talks of a point in his life when he became sick of salt-water and
decided to return, with his son, to the lake of his childhood. As he goes on,
White discusses the changes he believes the lake must have gone under since he
was a child. While at the lake with his son, the author believes his son to be
reenacting White’s time at the lake as a young boy, and, in turn, White is now
stepping into the shoes of his own father. E.B. White calls this a “creepy
sensation”. As the text goes on, White
finds himself having trouble differentiating whether he embodies more of his
father’s characteristics from the past or his own as a child. As the author’s
son experiences more of the fun the lake has to offer, White pictures himself
as a child participating in each activity. White and son go fishing in an old boat;
thereby enhancing White’s feeling “that everything was as it always had been,
that the years were a mirage and that there had been no years.” While fishing,
E.B. White notices “some of the campers were in swimming”. He sees one with a
“cake of soap”, just as there had been in his childhood and states, once again
that “there had been no years.” After fishing, the father and son walk back up
the road towards the farm house for dinner, where the author realizes that the
road looks different from when he was a child. For during his childhood, the
road had three tracks, but now, “the middle track was missing, the one with the
marks of hooves and the splotches of dried, flaky manure.” Although, soon, the
world of White’s childhood is no longer shattered; while at dessert, White
comments on the waitresses, for they are “the same country girls, there having
been no passage of time.” White goes on addressing many events parallel to his
past and ends with an account of his son swimming. He once again, puts himself
in his son’s place, for as his son lowers his body into the water, White can’t
help but say that his own “groin felt the chill of death.”
Every year,
since I was a freshman in high school, I have directed the middle school
musical. Doing theatre in seventh and eighth grade are some of my fondest
memories from my youth. I always felt that, because I had such a great time, I
owed it to the kids that age to make sure they enjoyed the experience as much
as I did. Throughout the years, I have learned so much from directing them and
have found so many more reasons that I love doing it. But my main reason will
never change: watching those students up on stage reminds me of myself at that
age. Every time they complain or applaud what they are doing, I can feel myself
relate. I remember when I thought the director was stupid and I got so
frustrated with the production I wanted to burst, but I also remember the times
that I was just so happy to be up there doing what I love with my best friends.
Sure, directing takes a lot out of me. Imagine thirty twelve-year-old kids
talking over you and giving you all their sass, it’s a mess, but seeing the joy
on those faces forces me to remember where my love of theatre began, and I
would not trade that for the world.
I am most
curious about the son in this essay. I would like to know what he thought of
the trip to the lake. Was the lake as impactful in his life as it was in
White’s? Did he enjoy his time there? I like to think he did, based on the way
E.B. White described him throughout the trip, but you never know what was going
on within his mind. I think it would be extremely interesting to hear the son’s
account. I would also like to question White’s emotional feelings about the
lake. Was he sad to see his childhood so far behind him? Or was he just happy
to be sharing something he loved with his son?
Writers.
If writers were flowers, I would be a Titan Arum.
The Titan Arum is a flower that requires between seven and ten years of vegetative growth before finally blooming into a beautiful and vibrant flower.
When it comes to writing, I cannot say it is an activity I enjoy. And therefore, I am a procrastinator. Just as the Titan Arum takes its sweet time to flower, as does my writing.
I will wait days and hours before completing an assignment. Clearly, this is not something I feel the need to keep very secretive, because, I have found, this works for me. Although, this method is frightening for most, this is the way I flourish. I find myself extremely pleased with most of my writings and confident in my abilities to complete them.
By the way, you may be about to google this intriguing flower, and while I can tell you it shares the characteristic of procrastination with me, I have no comment on the description of the flower’s odor, “which is reminiscent of the smell of a decomposing mammal”.
A Swim.
Most would find the humid air and blindingly strong smell of an indoor pool to be a place of disdain and discomfort, but for me, it is home. Recalling my pool back home, I picture the cold, bright locker room and I am there, opening the heavy door to see the deck that awaits me beyond its threshold. As I walk across the soaked tile floor, my feet grip for some sort of non-existent traction. I reach the edge of the ninety-eight degree water and come to a foot wide stretch of grated floor used to drain the excess water from the pool deck. Without a second thought, I fasten my goggles around my skull and dive into the questionable water. I remember the children I saw each day, taking swim lessons or joining their friends for day camp. Some would cry, filling the small greenhouse-like room with their screams of anger and sadness. Young girls and boys would yell for their mothers, begging to be saved from the horrors of the water. Some children would scream until placed on the hip of an unhappy lifeguard feigning a smile for a worried parent’s benefit. My time to experience the water was long after the children had gone home for the day. All that was left was the remnants of the young’ns, a forgotten superhero towel, or the occasional pair of goggles. As I swam, I could feel the water push against my muscles, creating a resistance as my legs propelled me towards the edge. Occasionally, I would mistake a stroke and strike the edge of the lane rope, which kept my body in line. The sharp pain of the floating plastic rings was a quick reminder to the necessity of focus. Continuing along down the twenty-five yards of pool, I reached the wall. Immediately and artfully performing a underwater somersault; I changed my direction back towards the dreaded locker rooms. While the incessant heat of the pool deck could quickly get to the mind of a bored lifeguard on duty, the startling cold of the locker rooms remained much worse a sensation. For lifeguards would often fall subject to the heat and calm of the deck and find themselves drifting off to the sleep instead of actively scanning the area for trouble, only to take their breaks in the cold near the lockers. I climbed out of the pool to see a familiar face manning the pool deck, with a sharp nod of recognition I grabbed my small, gym-provided towel and made my way towards the door of the dreaded meat locker, saying a goodbye to my humid home once more.
Apple Wins.
I should be writing an essay. I should be memorizing lines. Maybe I should be at the gym. I have an hour of spare time, and am I productive? No.
Sometimes I need to FEEL as though I’m being productive, and that’s where organization comes in. If you were to talk to my mom she would say, “Haley? Organized? HA!” So maybe I’m not actually the most organized person (my room is a mess, trust me), but there is one thing in my life I keep organized: my iTunes account.
It’s silly, I know. And you could argue it’s more of an obsession than a passion, but oh well, it is important to me. I will spend hours on end organizing, re-labeling, and downloading music to my computer.
For the longest time last year, at my home back in Missouri, we didn’t have internet access. Someone would give me a CD, and I would go to add it to my iTunes, but alas, none of the CD information would import with it. Time and time again this would happen to me. Eventually my precious account was filled with haunting “track 01”’s and “unknown artists”. Frustrated as I was, I did my best to remedy these errors, but the amount of music I had carelessly let slip by without identities was out of hand.
Now I sit, in-between classes and late into the wee hours of the morning, editing, refining, and beautifying my account (while also avoiding some more pressing responsibilities). If one were to view my, for lack of a more eloquent word, gorgeous, music library, they would see accurate artist names accompanying small squares of album art, a detail most people settle upon living without when importing music, something I oddly pride myself on.
I have come to the conclusion that my “distraction” with my iTunes may be nothing more than a stress reliever. I can only assume I use this to procrastinate, because it is something that relaxes me. This systematized arranging of files tricks my brain and body into thinking I am accomplishing important tasks; which, I have to say, is a good thing. Yes, sometimes I should be doing my actual homework, or accomplishing some other necessary activity, but each person needs something that can slow them down for a few minutes. Everyone needs to do a brainless activity sometimes, and allow their mind a chance to escape from the pressures of the real, outside world. My very strange “passion” is my own way of doing this. It has suited me well for the past few months.
And hey, I always know how to get to that one song I’m in the mood to listen to at the gym.
This Route Requires Tolls.
There is the slightest hint of blue in the sky, clean, no clouds to be seen. Following the nightly rain, the grass is bright and green. Below, the road, the gray, dark, road seems to go on for eternity.
My mother and I begin our road-trip, first experiencing the joy that comes with just getting on the road. We are thrilled to start our journey, finding ourselves thinking about nothing but the destination that lies ahead of us. But soon, these thoughts of arrival turn to thoughts of the torturous ride in our midst. Just thinking about the next seven hours causes our backs to become stiff and our bladders to become heavy. We squirm in our seats and constantly change the radio, having run out of conversation topics early, in the first twenty minutes of our drive. Riding in the passenger seat has its advantages; the freedom to keep my eyes unfocused from the boring yellow lines of the highway, most of all. I resort to people watching.
The cars that surround my own speed by. There is a family, clearly driving home from Wal-Mart, in their mini-van, watching Dora on the car’s built-in theatre system. A semi-truck with a series of mattresses, precariously duct-taped and attached to the back with bungee cords, sits in the lane next to us. To our front, I see a u-hall being pulled by some sort of Kia, moving into a new home or transporting goods for a privately owned business. It appears to be a good day for a move. A clear sky, no apparent chance for rain in these parts, but the sun is hard to find in the sky. Nice conditions for the constant walk between u-haul and home, no storm or blinding, hot sun.
As we travel south, it’s beginning to rain. The pavement gets wet and slick. All the drivers on the road flip on their wipers and their headlights are bumped to full capacity. It’s just a light drizzle, but each driver can be seen, through their windows, gripping steering wheels a little tighter, while leaning forward in their seats to getting a better view of the darkening high-way.
We pull up behind a small school bus. Although, I see this day as my time away from school, these children have spent the last eight hours bent over school work. The young girls and boys sat in their small, wooden desks, while copying pages upon pages of information from the dry-erase boards, before finally being released out to recess, and eventually out to the yellow busses that would take them home. While they spent all this time learning, I have spent the last few hours uncomfortably sitting six inches from my mother in a small gray vehicle. My aunt, who has now joined us, sits in the back, spewing information at my mother and I. Her speech is almost too fast for me to comprehend, and I wonder if it would help to give her a dry-erase board, in order to visually express her lectures.
We stop at a gas station for provisions. I walk into the convenience store to use the restroom. Just beyond the threshold, I encounter shelves full of cowboy hats and tacky souvenir lighters. I force myself to purchase a sandwich, despite my lack of hunger, in hopes to avoid a stop later on in the trip. My mother and I each buy a coffee. At this, more or less, halfway point in the trip, we are both running low on energy and need a bit of a pick-me-up. We hope the sugar and caffeine in our cappuccinos will get the job done.
As I return to the confines of our metal trap, I unwrap the sandwich and force down a bite. I am pleasantly surprised. For a rest-stop deli, the Italian sub is shockingly first-rate. I realize how hungry I must have been, and scarf down the sandwich. Before my mother has time to finish pumping and paying for gas, I have already finished my half of the morsel and am ready to give her the rest. With my belly full, I feel my eyelids get heavy and tired. It is time for my mid-trip nap.
Try as I might, sleep refuses to come as we reach hour four of our ride. I twist and turn in my seat, attempting to find the most comfortable way to rest. The seatbelt is too tight around my neck this way, too loose if I shift the other, and eventually, I find, that even with the seat reclined to its fullest capability, I am unable to find comfort in a car of this size. I sit up angrily and turn up the radio, trying to startle myself to the fullest point of consciousness. I sit, steaming at my car’s inability to serve as a proper bed, and guzzle my coffee.
Back into the rhythm of highway traffic, we are saddened to find the rain has picked up. Now, driving through a steady downpour, my mother clings even tighter to the wheel, her eyes glued to the pavement. My aunt and I grow quiet, allowing her to concentrate. The sky begins to darken, and, despite a lack of visible clouds in the sky, it continues to rain. As night sets upon the endless fields, cars become more and more scarce.
We come upon a toll road. I scramble around the car as my mom yells to me, “We need cash! I don’t have any! Where is your purse?” I manage to find a few dollars and some change. She plucks the quarters from my handful of metal and hands the woman inside the booth five dollars. Once again, we are off. But this encounter has heightened our spirits. Now on the toll road, we feel our destination is in sight. We know there is only this final stretch of highway standing between us and a warm bed. My mother and aunt will drop me off at school, where I will return to the familiar, and altogether curious, smell of my dorm room. While I quickly run to my bed, my dearest family will find rest without me, in the cold-unknown beds of a hotel room.
We continue along our final bit of pavement. Exhausted, we do not speak much. The moon is high in the sky, and the rain has long since ceased. The occasional semi-truck passes, splashing leftover rain water onto our low-lying windows. Their drivers sipping their coffee and “5 hour energy” ’s while they diligently deliver bread or soda across the country. The road is now calm and forgiving to us midnight drivers.
Labels:
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Insomnia.
Mind occupied, heart racing, eyes darting, and yet your body feels an exhaustion that cannot be contained or explained without making the ache in your muscles beat harder and harder against your skin. A movement escapes your legs, despite your attempt to hold still, despite your attempts to relax your limbs and force an empty mind. But not tonight, not now, will the rest come. The rest evades all attempts to be achieved through meditation and medication. The rest refuses to submit and become one with your mind and body. You lay awake.
The ceiling fan. It hums above you. A monotonous noise: one that would lull most infants and young children into a state of sleep, but not you. It is a distraction. Your eyes focus upon it. The room is too warm to survive without the constant whirling, but you are too distracted by the sight and sound to take advantage of the cool air rhythmically pushing against your body.
The humidifier. An unavoidable bright light streams from the body of the contraption. You have tried to cover the “on switch” with tape, but the bulb wattage is stronger than your attempts. You roll to your side, facing away from the harsh, blinding light, but to no avail. For the light shines onto the wall now opposite your eyes. Do you dare to shut it off, and deal with the consequences of a deep cough and dry skin?
The basketball court. It is three o’clock in the morning. You understand that school is expensive, and scholarship is your claim to life, but do they dare shoot hoops at this hour? Do they dare yell and scream at the “skins”? Practice may make perfect, but, please, you beg them, not outside your window.
The roommate. Seven AM is a time for morning people. Your nocturnal mind keeps you from ever being a citizen of the early morn. Her feet pad across the hall outside your door. The microwave beeps. She makes oatmeal. You hear the ripping of the paper packaging and a rush of water from the sink. Your mind races, praying to one day feel the way she feels. So rested, a morning routine is just that, a routine, instead your normal course of obstacles.
The alarm. You lay awake and hear the screeching of the sound that haunts most student’s REM cycles. They dream in wait for the moment the clock chimes and awakens them from their dreams; but not for you. The red lights of the beast have been staring into your skull for the past hours. You have become close friends by now, and the ringing so close to your ears is just its reminder that your night together has ended. You must break your eye-contact with the monster and give up on your hopes of rest for the night. It is time to start your obstacle course for the day.
Labels:
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My Nemesis.
I awake from the greatest ten minutes of sleep I’ve ever had. I roll to my side. I look at my alarm clock. 7:50. 7:50?! I hit snooze at seven and meant to sleep for ten minutes, things are clearly not going as planned this morning!
I race down stairs, grab my keys, and jump into the driver’s seat of my 2009 Toyota Corolla. I take off, speeding down my gravel road and turn out onto the highway which will take me to school. I am suddenly wide-awake and well-aware of the fact that I have less than fifteen minutes to drive the twenty minutes it will take me to arrive on campus.
After five-minutes of speeding pass, I have made good progress; this is when I see it. In the distance, maybe a mile in front of me, blocking out my view of the sun: the dreaded tractor. We have met before, quite often actually. At least once a week we have an encounter and my arrival to school suddenly becomes close to impossible.
You see, people in my town have a different idea of how they should get from point A to point B. While I have no problem driving my foreign, light-weight, car, the boys and girls of small-town, Missouri seem to think that these vehicles would not be sufficient modes of transportation for themselves.
Cars are the easiest way for me to explain it. When someone asks me where I’m from, I tell them, “I little town in Missouri,” but rarely do I feel they really understand what I mean by that. So I explain, “Parties in corn fields, tractors on the highways, and they pronounce wash as ‘WAR-sh.’” This is where I grew up, and where I didn’t fit in.
I found myself, as soon as I could drive, constantly making the hour long drive into the nearest city. I know, I know, “the grass is always greener on the other side,” and I don’t disagree with that. I have grown to realize that living in my hick-town made me love the hustle and bustle of the city that much more, and I don’t mind. I have the opportunity to travel and leave my small town, and I am going to take advantage of it.
I was the odd-ball who didn’t own a truck or consider my John-Deere a source of pride, but that’s okay because I know where I will fit in, I just have to make it there.
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